Pelicans Make Kettering Squawk

This match report must start with two apologies. First, sorry for the delay. The week has been busy, and perhaps the embarrassment of getting drubbed by an ascendent Pelicans stifled any inkling to share the weekend's antics. A Pelicans team, by the way, whom some labelled the best team we've played thus far this year, and whom others have described as pretty poor. Our various opinions on them contrast starkly with our own performance. We were found totally lacking.

Our showing on Saturday isn't, however, the subject of the second apology. The second apology instead concerns this report's brevity. This shortness is partly due to a foggy memory, perhaps due to the aforementioned delay; partly due to us all probably wanting to forget what happened; and partly because the game totally lacked fireworks. Pelicans didn't pick us apart with the gentle and precise brutality of a surgeon, nor did they rip us apart like an enthusiastic butcher. They broke us down quickly and efficiently, and they did so with the detachment of a coroner.

Lax marking allowed Pelicans two deflected goals early in the half. For the first, a Pelicans forward smashed a pass from far out to his unmarked team-mate, who was racing to the penalty-spot, and who skilfully deflected the ball in. 1-0. Their second goal saw another forward somehow attract all of our defenders, like moons to a monstrous planet, to the right-hand-side before banging a pass to his unmarked teammate on the far-post. 2-0.

Between batterings, and what felt like endless goals, we - well, Grant - managed one of our own. One of his infamous drag-flicks saw us claw one back, but not before Pelicans had snuck a couple more goals immaterially different from their first two. Ross put his body literally on the line attempting to stop Pelicans's fifth and final goal - to no avail.

We travel to St Ives (sadly Cambridgeshire not Cornwall) on Saturday. Can we win the year's first points? Feel free to come along and see!

MoM: Grant Carlin (goal)

DoD: Adam Mills (aerial out of the pitch and lacking shower gel)

#BeatingAPolarBearToDeath #PassiveCone #TuckInTattyDon'tWaitForUs